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A Big 10-8 Place (part Two) (Negativland)

(15:49) Okay. We're 10-8. And the number is 180 and the letter is G. There is no other possibility. And all you slimy fruitcakes in San Francisco are going to learn how to get to 180 and the letter G. I repeat, there is no other possibility. There is no other possib-- The number is 180 and the letter is G. The first thing you have to do to get over to 180 and the letter G is to get into your vehicle and headEast. I repeat, you have to head East over the bridge. But before you get onto the bridge, around one big turn, you'll come up to the place where the sex chemicals burned up. I repeat, where the sex chemicals burned up. And of course you all must have heard about that on news center four...On your way to 180 and the letter G. And now we're on the bridge. That's nothing very much, but when you get on the other side of the bridge on your way to 180 and the letter G, you'll notice two things. First of all it's very important that you turn on your AM radio. Set it to 1010 on your dial, and let the radio frequency energy from K-101 overload your little tuner until it distorts very highly. And right at the point of that extreme distortion, there's the big chairs. I'm not exactly sure, but I think that's where all the sewer water from Oakland goes. And then, by then, you'll be out of all that distortion, and you'll be looking East, toward the hills, and if it's at night, you'll see the little red lights flashing on my favorite ham radio repeater station -- that's WR6 Automatic Bowel Movement. And any of you who are into jamming, keep talking, keep jamming, because I'll be listening on my scanner radio, and just maybe...you'll be on the next album. You come up to the tunnel. And now we're coming up to the tunnel. Up to the tunnel. And then as you get into the tunnel, you'll start to sense something. And then about halfway through the tunnel, something will suddenly hit you. You won't sense it a lot until you get almost through to the other side. You'll realize right then and there that you're entering Contra-Costa County. It's hard to explain [hard to explain, hard to explain], but you feel a certain way when you get into Contra-Costa County on your way to 180 and the letter G. There is absolutely no other possibility. And then you're gonna whisk out, out of the tunnel on the East side, in Contra-Costa County, where it's about 40 degrees warmer and the humidity is about 15 percent, and you'll just stay on that freeway all the way until you get to Martinas. When you're up to Martinas, you'll see a sign, a sign that says `G.' And you're just gonna go right on up there in your little vehicle and you're gonna turn left onto G. On the left hand side of the street is the A&W root beer place, and on the right side is another little place where you're gonna go later on in the story: Safe Muffins. Now that you're on G, you're just gonna keep right on going up G, heading West on G, all the way to the top of the hill, and that's where 180 is. Right up there at the top. And just before you get to the top of the hill, you'll notice the green slime oozing out from under the house at 180 and the letter G. And of course, it had to be true, you just gotta go right back down to Safe Muffins and shoplift. I repeat, you're gonna have to shoplift the HR Steam Cleaning System from Safe Muffins. The only way you're gonna be able to do it successfully is to become invisible. And then when you're totally invisible, you'll just creep right on into Safe Muffins, and thereyou'll see it: The HR Steam Cleaning System. And then you'll realize that you're gonna have to get it up the street to 180 very quickly, so you whisk your Steam Cleaning System right back up G all the way to 180. You go right up to the front door and you push the button. The door opens automatically, and the first thing you see is the orange carpet inside 180...and you'll see the dog juice, the horrible dog juice all over the orange carpet at 180 and the letter G. You're just gonna march right on into G, there, with your HR Steam Cleaning System, go all the way back into the kitchen, where the Mr. Coffee Coffee-amker has your hot water. Your hot water, ready to pour into your HR Steam Cleaning System. So you go in there and get your HR Steam Cleaner all fired up, and you bring it on out into the living room and you take care of all the dog juice on the orange carpet at 18 and the letter G. "I think I'd like to have a cigarette now. Where are my cigarettes, David?" ``They're on top of the refrigerator.'' "David, I'd like to know what you did with my cigarettes." ``They're under the house.'' "My cigarettes are missing, David. I'd like to smoke. What did you do with them?" ``They're in the toad cage.'' "David, I'd like to have a cigarette right now bu tI can't find the package. I put them on the table and they're not there. Did you take them?" ``I think we may have left them up at Grandma's house.'' "My mother doesn't smoke, David. What did you do with my cigarettes?" ``I told you, they're on top of the refrigerator.'' "I loo ked on top of the refrigerator. They aren't there. will you please tell me what you did with my cigarettes?" ``Maybe you left them in the car.'' "I haven't been in the car all day. You must have put them somewhere and I can't find them. You better tell me now or I'm going to really get mad." ``Oh yeah, I think I know where they are. They're in back of the TV set, where all the parakeet feathers are.'' As you're cleaning the orange carpet, there'll be a voice that says: "FETCH MY CIGARETTES." Another voice will say: ``THEY'RE ON TOP OF THE REFRIGERATOR.'' And then of course you've forgotten completely about the green slime. And you'll realize that the only way to get rid of the green slime is to go back down, down the stairs, down to the basement of 180 and the letter G, where you'll find a bottle of Formula 409. You'll get that 409 up there real quick, and go outside to the mailbox of 180 where the green slime and all the ants are oozing out onto the sidewalk, and you'll spray it with all your might as hard as you can on that goddamn green slime. And then you'll have gotten all that horrible stuff. {There are gonna be?} toads under the house, and they'll be saying, "Herbiss, herbiss, under the house, spray me with the 409, herbiss." That's what the toads are gonna say to you. They won't croak, they'll actually say that. When you're at G...and 180. By then you'll realize that you're gonna have to take your HR Steam Cleaning System back down to Safe Muffins. And before you can do it, you'll of course have to become invisible once again. You'll take your HR steam cleaning system, which you shoplifted from Safe Muffins, you'll put it back in for somebody else to use, at some other number, some other letter, somewhere in another dimension. And it'll be time for you to head back to San Francisco, 'cause if you don't, you'll never leave Contra-Costa county. You'll get back in your vehicle, and you'll go in reverse, in reverse gear, using your rear-view mirror, all the way back down the freeway, past Pleasant Hill, Lafayette, and Orinda. You'll go back through the tunnel, and you're gonna get back on the other side of the hills, there, through the tunnel, right past the ham radio repeater, and you'll whisk down that hill at 90 miles an hour. You'll get into the appropriate lanes, on your way from 180 and the letter G, back into San Francisco. Back past K101 and the big chairs, which remind you of the sewer gas back on G, where you could become invisible. Not really sure if Oakland sewer gas can do it as well as Martinas sewer gas. And you're on the bridge now, heading West, into the fog, the high fog, I repeat: fog never touches the ground in California, it's always so damn high. And you get across, and you look back to where the sex chemicals were made, and finally you get back into your sewer pipe, and disappear down into the sewers of San Francisco, and you know that you'll never ever want to come out to 180 and the letter G, ever again. And in that sorry situation, I think it's just about time we went 10-7. I'm getting that feeling now. Deep within the sewer pipes by now. You'll never find your way out. You'll never want to find your way out. We're 10-7. Out.