The Best Things In Life (Half Man Half Biscuit)

My Uncle Charlie is a cynical man And his wifes a touch skeptical, too. They've got one of those stickers In the back of their van; it says: We've seen the prices at the zoo. Well today I knocked upon their door And said that I was passing, And charlie launched a scathing attack. When I asked him what I'd done, he said "You stupid bastard! We live in a cul-de-sac!" Went to Dali's party; it was fancy dress. I just stuck an apple in my face. I saw a chap who obviously was out to impress, Reckoned he'd beat Gagarin into space. He said "Hi there boys! Like I'm sorry I'm late! But I was getting done up As a mobile thrash acetate!" Me, I got bored So I went home, Got into bed, And came to the conclusion... There is nothing better in life Than writing on the sole of your slipper with a Birol There is nothing better in life Than writing on the sole of your slipper with a Biro There is nothing better in life Than writing on the sole of your slipper with a Biro There is nothing better in life Than writing on the sole of your slipper with a Biro On a Saturday Night instead of going to a pub.