You Think You've Got Problems

Christine Lavin

I'd like to tell you a story 
About what it's like to be a walking hypochondriac in the 1990's 
Oh but I can't 'cause... I'm not feeling good 
I think I'm coming down with something, 
Something serious. 
And I'd like to tell you a story 
About what it's like to be the pessimistic voice in the crowd everywhere I go 
Oh but I can't 'cause... what difference whould it make? 
Everything would still be as terrible as it is right now, 
So why go on living? 
I'd like to tell you a story 
About how I've alienated everybody I've ever met in my whole entire life. 
Nah, but I can't 'cause... 'Cuz you're so stupid 
You probably don't even know what a big word like "alineate" even means!
Life is hard
Life is rough 
Life is cruel 
Life is tough 
Oh, like a dog stuck in a tree 
I've been abandoned by humanity
And I'd like to tell you a story 
About how hard it is for me to concentrate. 
I'm so easily distracted everytime I try to do my work 
Nahh, but I can't tell you about that 'cause.... Ooh! when did I break that nail? 
Damn, I hate when that happens. 
And I'd like to tell you a story 
About how I can't ever seem to make a decision these days 
I've become so undecided about everything. 
Nah but I can't cause... 
Oh yes I can!
No I can't...
Yes, I can...
No! No No No
And I'd like to tell you a story 
About how it feels to be extremely PMS right now 
Ah but I can't... 'cause I DON'T FEEL LIKE IT!!
Life is hard 
Life is rough 
Life is cruel
Life is tough 
Oh, like a dog stuck in a tree 
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, woe is me -